Four Beheadings and a Funeral Page 3

  “Solomon,” Eliza said. A balding man with a wide smile and long gangly arms looked up.

  “Lady Northwoods, Duke Coggeshall,” he said, standing and giving a slight bow of his head. “You honor us with your presence.”

  “We are in need of a tabard for the duke,” Eliza said.

  “Ah,” Solomon said, stepping around his sewing table and approaching me. Out came a tape measure, and he started to measure my arm.

  “I’m afraid we don’t have that much time,” Eliza said.

  “A few days?”

  “A few minutes.”

  “That does complicate things.”

  “Do you have anything that might work?”

  Solomon nodded. “Maybe. Possibly. Probably. Something will, uh, happen.”

  He looked me over, walked around me, and did a little prodding at my chest and back.

  “His grace presents a challenging frame,” the tailor said. But then he nodded, and headed to a large chest of drawers. He opened the top one, and there were tabards inside. They were green with two stripes of white on either side of a black center. On the center of the tabard was a creature I vaguely recognized from the Coggeshall family crest. The Bandersnatch. It was stylized, of course, so it also looked really cool.

  “Hey,” I said, “bandersnatch.”

  “It is your family’s animal, yes?” Solomon asked, suddenly concerned.

  “Yeah, it’s just — I mean, it’s really well done.”

  Solomon managed to blush. “Thank you, your grace.”

  He went back to sorting through things with a little more care, finding a large tabard near the bottom of the drawer. Holding it up, he nodded, and walked over to me.

  “Close enough,” he said.

  I put my head through the hole, and he draped it over me.

  It felt both short and tight.

  But after a little bit of tszujing here and there, it seemed as though I’d been wrong. The tabard was long enough and wide enough, and I looked almost presentable. He found a thin metal belt, and slid it through his fingers. I swear it got longer as I looked at it. Solomon reached around me and fastened the belt around my waist.

  “Did you,” I started, “I mean, was—”

  “I have certain abilities, your grace,” he said with a smile. “But it’s a bit of a tailor’s secret.”

  I nodded, and looked over at a mirror. I looked like a duke.

  Solomon frowned. Clearly he did not agree.

  “Are you sure there’s no more time?” Solomon asked.

  “We are already late,” she replied. “But perhaps you might be available to put a few things together for the duke.”

  “I would be honored,” Solomon said. “Might I take some measurements, your grace?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  “Your grace,” Eliza countered, “there is someone waiting for you.”

  “Right, forgot about that,” I said. “Soon then, Solomon.”

  He smiled at me. “Our door is always open to you, my lord.”

  Eliza ushered me from the room, and out into the hallway.

  “I didn’t even know we had a tailor here,” I said.

  “Two of them,” she replied. “Solomon and his people focus on clothing. Tennyson and her people are more focused on goods. Sacks, linens, towels, those things.”

  “Oh. Where do we get the cloth?”

  “Do you really not know?”

  “I’m a bit out of touch with things here.”

  “I’ve noticed. We have a few different weavers working, and if you don’t steal Lee for too long, I believe he will have a powered loom running soon.”

  “Wow.”

  She shook her head slightly, and then power-walked along. I stood there in the hallway and watched her go while trying to put my brain in order. There seemed to be an awful lot of things going on in Coggeshall and I knew nothing. That couldn’t be good. As the leader, I should know everything. And most people. Which made me feel especially bad. I’ve always tried to know the people I’ve worked with, which was always a little awkward as a loan shark. But, then again, it made it easier to collect when you knew Josh Rogers had a debilitating fear of snakes. Just a quick trip to the pet store on the way to Josh’s house and I knew I’d get my money. Here, though, it seemed like everyone knew me, and I could name, like, twelve people.

  “They await you, your grace,” Eliza called out.

  “Right,” I said, shaking my head back into the game. “I’m coming.”

  Chapter Seven

  We used the throne room for the first time. It was quite impressive when it was all cleaned up and official looking. I sat on my throne, looking as regal as I could wearing my chain mail hauberk under the tabard. Two minotaurs from my honor guard stood behind me, with Nikolai off to one side and Eliza to the other.

  At the far end of the room, the twin doors opened inward, and a shorter man walked in. He wore heavy hobnailed boots, and had nearly golden tanned skin. No hair, which made me smile, considering that was my current hairstyle as well. A large scar ran down his neck and disappeared beneath the frilly shirt he wore. A wide sword was at his hip, but he didn’t seem to have any armor on.

  He stopped in front of the throne and bowed.

  Nikolai took a step forward.

  “Your grace,” Nikolai said, “presenting Geoffrey Cornwallis.”

  “Your grace,” the man said.

  “Welcome to Coggeshall,” I said.

  “Thank you, your grace,” Cornwallis said. “I bear a message from his royal highness, crown prince Valamir Glaton.”

  “Before we get into that,” I said, “is there any way you might prove you’re actually from Valamir?”

  “Do you doubt me?”

  “There was this other gent who beat you here by a few months. He said he was from Valamir and—”

  “Caticorix, yes. That was, uh, regretful.”

  “Rather mild way of putting it.”

  “I can assure you that Lord Glaton had nothing to do with Caticorix.”

  “I would hope so.”

  “And I am a duly vetted and nominated representative of his royal highness.”

  “You guys know who Caticorix was working with? Or for?”

  “That is still under investigation, your grace.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying my best to let the rage and frustration out. I needed to be mindful and act appropriately. In this case, I needed to listen, mainly, and also not kill anyone. Which were two somewhat difficult things for me.

  “What’s the message from, um, Prince, uh, High Prince--“ I stammered, struggling to remember Valamir’s formal title.

  “Crown Prince Valamir,” Eliza hissed at me.

  “Right,” I said. “Crown Prince Valamir.”

  Cornwallis nodded, I guess pretending he hadn’t noticed me butchering his lord’s title. “Lord Glaton wishes to extend his apologies over what transpired with the pretender, Caticorix.”

  “Okay, that’s all well and good, but—”

  Nikolai coughed. I shut up.

  Cornwallis just smiled at me, waiting.

  “Is there anything else?” I asked. “Is Valamir looking for my support? To vote for him?”

  “Lord Glaton mentioned nothing of that nature to me, your grace,” Cornwallis said. “He merely asked me to extend his apologies that you were embroiled in this political game when you are in the midst of setting up a new holding.”

  “Oh.”

  “He trusts you will examine the political landscape, and do what is best for you and yours when the time is right.”

  “That sounds more like what I was expecting.”

  “In addition, Lord Glaton sends a small offering to make up for the damages Caticorix caused. Even though, and I was asked to stress this, crown prince Valamir Glaton had nothing to do with Caticorix or his actions in Coggeshall.”

  “He tried to have my father arrested and his man was responsible for the death of my fath
er.”

  “A regrettable misunderstanding.”

  “Really? That’s the tack you’re taking?”

  “It is the truth, your grace.”

  I grumbled. I think Cornwallis realized he wasn’t turning the conversation the direction he’d been hoping.

  “I am sure there is more to the events that have transpired than I know, your grace,” Cornwallis said. “But whatever those background events are, I do not have access to them. It is a matter you will have to take up with the crown prince. But I assure you, he is not happy with this situation either.”

  “I guess that’s something,” I said. “So what trinket did the crown prince send to make up for all the people who died defending this holding from Caticorix’s foreign army?”

  “He sent along a few things, your grace,” Cornwallis said. “If you would follow me, I have left them in your, uh, outside.”

  “The Greens.”

  “Ah, yes. There.”

  “Sure,” I said, getting up.

  The minotaurs stepped around the throne and followed me. We formed an odd procession through the mountain home until we got outside to the Greens.

  Where there was a herd of cows.

  Large cows.

  “A herd of cattle,” I said. “This is the gift?”

  “It is part of the gift,” Cornwallis said.

  I looked over my shoulders at the minotaurs, but they didn’t seem to have any sort of reaction to cows. I needed to know more about them.

  “His highness knows you have lost men and women,” Cornwallis said, “and so these are here for you.”

  He gestured his hand out, and I noticed there was a diverse group of about twenty men and women standing together along the wall of the mountain.

  “His highness knows these individuals are a poor substitute for those you lost,” Cornwallis continued, “but they are here on a five-year contract to do whatever it is they are able. Everything will be paid for and supplied by his highness during that tenure.”

  I blinked a few times and I looked over at Nikolai.

  He shrugged slightly.

  “I, uh,” I stammered, trying to figure out the appropriate response. I mean, the best response would be to just say thank you and take the people. It was always good to have more bodies. especially if these bodies were experts in their field. Or any field, really. “Tell his highness thank you.”

  Cornwallis smiled and bowed his head. “As you wish,” he replied.

  I walked over to the group of people, standing in front of them in as ducal a mode as I could muster.

  “I presume you know who I am,” I said.

  There were some nods.

  “Well,” I continued, really starting to lose that whole regal thing, “for those who don’t know, I am Montana Coggeshall, Imperial Duke of Coggeshall. And I formally welcome you to your new home, Coggeshall.”

  Silence.

  “Uh, my chancellor,” I said, realizing it was time to delegate, “will meet with you and get you assigned to, uh, living quarters and jobs and, uh, that sort of stuff.”

  Nikolai stepped forward, introduced himself, and I made my exit.

  Which, in essence, meant that I walked ten feet away to continue talking with Cornwallis.

  “Is there anything else I can help you with?” I asked.

  Cornwallis shook his head. “That is the extent of the messages I was sent to convey. Is there anything I might send back to his highness?”

  I wanted to tell his highness that this ‘gift’ was a pain in the ass. That while it was nice to have some new bodies, it also meant a whole heap of people who were not exactly loyal to me, and would, no doubt, be reporting everything they saw back to either Valamir or some other asshat back in the capital. The only real saving grace was Nikolai being a paranoid motherfucker, and would definitely be assigning these people to spots where we could watch what they watched.

  “Just some thanks,” I said. “And to invite him to visit us sometime.”

  “I will do so.”

  Cornwallis gave another bow, and then walked away. I noticed there was a saddled horse near the gate. Cornwallis hopped up, hit me with a jaunty salute, and then cantered through the gate.

  “Not bad, your grace,” Eliza said.

  “I thought it went well.”

  “It went not bad.”

  Then she too, walked away.

  Chapter Eight

  Unfortunately, other shit needed to happen in the holding, so I didn’t have time to celebrate my small victory. Instead, I had meetings. One benefit of a career in crime and nefarious freelancing had been a blessed avoidance of meetings. As a member of a motorcycle club, the only meetings I attended were more like parties. I suppose there were also drug deals and arms deals, which I guess were sort of like meetings. But the life-and-death stakes and adrenaline rush those afforded really did a lot to make the interactions more palatable.

  First, Nikolai and I met with our new people. We had twenty-five new citizens of Coggeshall. Ten were professional soldiers — ex-Legion — who’d been part of Valamir’s house guard. Now they’d be part of my guard, so we sent them off to talk to Nathalie. Eight were herdsmen. Not to be confused with my hirðsmen. They were actual experts at dealing with herds of animals. I really wanted to call them them cowboys, but the terminology hadn’t made it over to Vuldranni yet. We sent them to Darius, as he was still the head of our animals department. Which I felt also needed a better name. The remaining seven of Valamir’s people were specialized craftsmen. One metallurgist, a blacksmith, a carpenter, a baker, a soap-maker, a plumber, and a pipe-fitter. A settlement starter pack.

  When they’d all been sent off to start their new lives, Nikolai and I had a meeting about our new people. It went about as you would expect.

  “Do we trust any of them?” I asked.

  “No,” my paranoid chancellor replied.

  “Can we send them back?”

  “No.”

  “Seems fucked.”

  “Welcome to politics.”

  Next, we went to a larger council meeting to discuss our magic building. Well, it was a smaller larger council meeting, since Lee and Harmut the head dwarf had already gone to the construction site at the other end of the valley to begin work on the fortress. That meant their input had to be delivered via seconds. Harmut had sent a young dwarf woman who could barely get a word in edgewise. Lee had no assistant, so I tried to fill in with what I thought he might say.

  The whole conversation devolved into arguing over who needed the building more. No one seemed to be thinking big picture, about what could benefit the most people in the community. But to me at least, that was more an issue of the settlement being too young to really feel like a community yet. People just weren’t used to thinking of themselves as being part of Coggeshall yet. They all still felt like part of the places they’d come from before.

  We were just going around in circles and letting our tempers get the best of us. Finally, I remembered that I was in charge, and decided to act like it.

  I thumped my fist on the table until everyone went quiet.

  “I will decide what kind of building we’ll get,” I said. “You’re all free to go.”

  A few of the council members exchanged confused glances. Then Nikolai started ushering everyone away. I left too, and took a walk to process things. When I started paying attention again, I was outside on my balcony, looking over the valley.

  The day was oddly beautiful. As we edged closer and closer to winter, the weather had just gotten worse and worse. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen blue skies. But that day was an exception. I turned my face up to the sky and closed my eyes, letting the sun warm me. It was one of the few times I liked having a shaved head — you could feel the sun on your head. I kind of felt like it made me a better thinker.

  The first step in this mess was for me to stop thinking about Coggeshall emotionally, and to remember that this was all some sort of game. I had to go through the
information available and see, exactly, what the city had and what it was missing. And I probably needed to stop referring to it as a city because, as population goes, I’m not even sure we were at the village stage yet.

  I sat down on the balcony and rested my back against the mountain. Then I closed my eyes and started digging into the settlement portion of the game.

  There was a lot of information.

  Way more information than I wanted, or needed to be honest. I had population data, which told me that were just north of two thousand five hundred, the bulk of whom were kobolds. Apparently prinkies did not count. Nor did cows. But now I also knew how many cows we had.

  I could see each and every building that had been built. Most of them had a little asterisk next to them, because they weren’t separate buildings as far as the game world was concerned. Instead, they were all part of a greater building called MountainHome. Which was a little confusing, because I’d only ever called it that in my head — I’d never heard anyone refer to it as such. But the game world did have a tendency to snatch things out of my head. It made sense, in a way, but it was still unsettling.

  We had a smithy, two tailors, a woodworking shop, a sawmill, a soaper, a candle maker (who had to be doing next to nothing considering most of our light came from magical sources), three farms, a barn with an animal husbandry expert, a kitchen, a cafeteria, a hospital, and so on. I could ‘click’ — more like think about clicking —on each of the names of the shops or buildings, and get a more detailed breakdown of who was working there and what was produced in terms of quality. For example, I could see that Zoey was a smith capable of working with tiers one through six metals. It did not, however, give any indication as to what those metals might be. There were nine other workers in the smithy, none of whom were as practiced as Zoey in overall smithing. But there was a dwarf who had quite a bit more skill working iron in architectural or structural methods. He couldn’t make a weapon to save his life, but he could whip out railings like it was nothing. At least, that was what I gleaned from the information I had.